Those are just a few good names for those of us who have a mental illness and get overwhelmed and stressed out and retreat forever on the sofa (or bed). It gets worse if you are experiencing a manic episode or are not stabilized with your mental illness.
I'm talking about those days when the weight of the world is upon your shoulders and your mind is in over-drive. So, when I was asked the other night at a NAMI meeting why people with Bipolar lay around all day on the sofa or in bed, I thought the young lady was reading my mind.
There are rough days and for some reason, the holiday season is an added stress. For the most part, when the mind is taxed and racing and burdened, everybody needs an escape plan. They need a comfort zone where life cannot penetrate. As I drove from my day job through traffic that seemed to build up my anxiety, I kept saying to myself, "Just get to the meeting and then you can get home in bed.
I wasn't really tired and sleepy, but I needed that comfort zone real bad. So, what I explained to this young lady who is trying soo hard to live with her Bipolar relative who refuses to get treatment, is that the sofa is SAFE!
Everybody needs to find some way of removing themself from what the mind perceives as excellerated stressors. It could be something as simple as microwaving popcorn to something monumental as getting groomed and dressed!
When an individual is denying him or herself the joy of living a stable life with the aide of medications and therapy as needed, they are hanging onto the simple things that require NO energy. Their safety zone is warm and cozy and secure. They can allow their mind to go in any direction and succomb to the pressure of that sick mind. (no pun intended).
The mind feels heavy. The mind saps all available energy to race and skip along a million neurotransmiters in the brain without any effort. Believe it or not, when a person is not on medication, they become used to the mind being sick and thus, they become used to just laying around doing nothing. When you try to "help" them by fussing at them to get up and do something productive, you add to those neurotransmitters shooting around the mind. YOU become one more stressor.
That is more than likely why you find yourself in an arguement or you begin to experience your own stressors due to anger and frustrations with trying to force an untreated mentally ill person to do something he or she cannot at that time. You want action and they need safety. Pushing them with words will not work.
Of course, the first thing I did when I reached home was stretch across my bed and just downloaded my day. That is easy for me to do because I take my medications. I have grown to accept that when the world drops by unexpectedly, you have to let the world visit for a while. The more I expose my mind to the world during those visits, the harder it is to manage and cope with Bipolar symptoms: Anxiety, panic attacks, lack of sleep, restlessness, hypomania, etc.
What works for me is to (1) take my medications as directed in my wellness plan (2) remove all stressors from my environment - NOISE and sometimes lights (3) allow my mind to slow down by concentrating on one thing - this can be challenging but with practice, it works well in time (4) take slow, deep breaths (sometimes I like to burn scented candles or incents. Then I concnetrate on just that). So, I asked this young woman about details of her relative's environment where the sofa was. She told me the relative will have the television on and sometimes the radio, too. The lights stay on and the relative answers the phone and reads all the mail.Who really needs mail? I know already when my bills are due so once a month .....
A note about the telephone. It is a good source of communication but it can also drive you insane. If YOU receive a lot of calls and the relative is taking messages for you, etc., maybe you can work out another plan for a while. However, a phone should also be accessible to any person and he or she should know how to contact emergency contacts such as police, fire, doctor, etc. And...I hate to say this, but, if you have friends/family who call and insult the relative over the phone, nip that situation in the bud. Every man, woman, and child is entitled to his or her dignity. (Sigh...)
I then sugested that she try turning the volume down as much as possible and then just turn the television off when safe to do so. I suggested she keep the lighting very low as possible also. I also suggested she get rid of the phone and the mail for a few days if she could. IMMHO, these were unnecessary stressors for the relative.
I also suggested she stop begging and pleading with the relative to get up and do something (anything). In exchange, I suggested she invite him to go with her just for the ride maybe to the gas station or to get coffee. Make the first few trips very brief. Allow the relative to return to the sofa as soon as they get back so the relative can "download." I suggested that she do only that for a few days, don't change the pattern immediately if it does not seem to work. When you change a pattern suddenly, in most cases, you have to reestablish trust. If the relative is used to you leaning on their backs, they are expecting it and that in and of itself is "stress and anxiety." In time, when they trust you will not jump all over them, they will respond accordingly.
The biggest promise to a person with an untreated mental illness is TRUST! If you flip-flop back and forths because YOU are stressed with their situation, nobody wins. Great things come about with trust and it is all about how you communicate with a mentally ill person with words and body language. Walking pass them all day long sucking your breath and throwing hateful words is a lose-lose situation for both.
Now, with the holidays here and stress dangling from every tree, trying to force somebody to seek mental health treatment will age you rapidly. Let it go for a few days and just enjoy the Holy-Day season. (do not decorate the couch potato, please). Quit the sermons and take care of yourself!!! Take part in the festivities and get well-deserved rest.
One last thing, do not wait on a relative hand and foot and treat them like a baby. Everybody has to be accountable and responsible and doing so will never help. I am not talking about if a physical disability exists. Just the basics. Do not angrily tell somebody to get it themselves. Just politely say, "it's in the fridge." They can figure it out if they want it.
Ok, so this afternoon this young lady dropped me a line to say the television was OFF all day on Friday. She stated that her relative was actually calmer, too. It's too soon to claim total victory, but she promises to check back with me. The best part is that she is calmer, too. Sunday they plan to attend church which is something the relative has not done in ages. Hopefully, it will be a successful brief outing. See, Jesus is the reason for the season....
May each and everyone of you have a very blessed and peaceful Christmas and then we will jump back in with communicating with the mentally ill person when I return.....if you cannot wait, contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness at
www.nami.org. If there is a crisis such as suicide threats or attempts, call the police immediately or if you can do so, get your loved one to a hospital at once. Don't take it as just blowing hot air. Be blessed...
Agnes B. Levine
Author of: "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 0975461206 Winter 2009 Release Pending
www.myspace.com/coolingwellwater (Subscribe Now)
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Posted By: agnes levine
Saturday, December 20th 2008 at 8:04PM
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