He loves me, he loves me not! Boy, do I wish love was easier without Bipolar than with it. Trust me, love is love when it is reciprocated no matter if you are the healthiest individual or imperfect like the rest of us. The bottom line is that love is work with benefits! Smile.
What makes love? All the elements that we learn through life: Trust, communication, romance, empathy, compassion, sincerity, loyalty, dedication, growth, affection, understanding, respect, nurturing, and commitment.
Does it change at all if you have Bipolar? Yes.
How?
Well, when an individual is in an intimate relationship and any illness befalls him or her, you want (need) your mate to be strong and supportive. You want to trust that your mate will be your rock through the good and the bad. You have to take your mate into consideration about your mental healthcare and wellness as in any other situation. Your mate needs to be involved in your coping and management therapeutic healthcare, too. If you are looking for a mate, the same things need to be considered.
Should you reveal your brain disorder when dating?
This is a decision each individual must make personally. There is an appropriate time to discuss your health issues and my recommendation is that you use discretion about when to reveal this just as you would about any other healthcare issue (i.e., Diabetes, etc.). Of course, there is a stigma attached to having any type of brain disorder that your date may not be willing to (or cannot) overcome so weigh your decision carefully. If you know the prospect is not going anywhere, then enjoy the date and preserve your healthcare privacy. If the relationship is a developing one, trust your intuition about disclosing personal health issues.
I want to mention that s*xual promiscuity is one of the classic symptoms of Bipolar, Chronic Depression, for example, and so is poor judgment. If you are going to be s*xually active in any relationship prior to marriage then both parties need to discuss proper protection against unwanted pregnancy, AIDS/HIV, STD's very responsibly.
Before any commitments are made, I would strongly consider discussing the brain disorder with the other person for two reasons (1) it is his or her decision whether to be involved further and be as comfortable about the relationship as possible and (2) he or she will need to have at least the basic information about the brain disorder and what to expect because of the symptoms of the brain disorder.
If you are not accepting you have a brain disorder, it is simply not fair to bring someone innocently and unknowingly into that drama…simply stated.
Prior to my diagnosis of Bipolar, I was married. My (ex) was very supportive of me and helped me, but things got a little messy and long story short, the marriage eventually ended about 8 years post my diagnosis. We were married a total of 19 years.
Why? A combination of issues that unraveled into physical abuse or domestic violence. I chose to leave the marriage in order to free myself from the physical and emotional abuse and my brain disorder was a major factor in making that decision.
If you have a brain disorder, it is necessary to make alternative life changes. This means basically that you need to pay attention to matters that create mental instability (stress, violence, etc.) and put you in emotional harm’s way. This is true in any relationship. When two people cannot be in a healthy relationship, the relationship needs to end.
When my marriage began breaking down, it was before my diagnosis. We did everything humanly possible to salvage it with counseling and trial separations. The main issue in that marriage was not my brain disorder, but substance addiction by my spouse. That led to abusive behaviors by him. That led me to end the marriage once and for all and take care of me. So it is the same as in any situation.
If a person is denying that he or she has a mental health problem, it is unfair to the person(s) involved with him or her romantically. That is because if you do not take care of yourself, or love yourself enough to be responsible and take care of your health issues, you are bringing unnecessary stress into that relationship. Your thinking becomes cloudy as a consequence of the untreated brain disorder whether you want to admit it or not. Others see this in your behaviors and actions. The symptoms of brain disorders when untreated, hurt everybody!
In addition, a person with a brain disorder needs support on a different level. If a mate cannot offer that support, the person with the brain disorder is unable to maintain and cope with the brain disorder in positive, long-term ways.
I watched my mother nurture my father in a different way when he was diagnosed with cancer. I watched her alter their lifestyle and I saw a woman be more loving and supportive in taking care of my father until he transitioned from us. She was his rock of love, affection, support, compassion, etc. as she watched him slowly succumb to the cancer. To me, that is the epitome of love.
She was there during the chemo-treatments and stays in the hospital and up all night with him when he experienced the negative side of the entire cancer duration. I watched her faith grow stronger and I watched in admiration of her ability to make sacrifices for the betterment of making my father as comfortable and happy as possible. There was romance. It was pure love.
It is and should be no different for a couple when one is dealing with a brain disorder. One of the best ways for a mate to be supportive is to be involved in the mental healthcare process. He/she needs to be educated and learn coping skills as well. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers workshops for every member of the family. Being involved with an organization such as NAMI helps family members learn from interacting with other families and mental health professionals. This is nothing, but a win-win situation. The workshops include Family-to-Family sessions of support. If your loved one has a brain disorder, you will tremendously benefit from these types of supports and services.
I believe that there is enough love to go around and I hope the tips offered in Part 2 help spread love....
Posted By: agnes levine
Saturday, February 7th 2009 at 9:56PM
You can also
click
here to view all posts by this author...
