As I continue my book tour and broaden my ministry on mental illness, I frequently have readers who contact me with some very, very good questions after reading my book, "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 13 978-0-9754612-0-4. YOU can purchase the book TODAY from Amazon.com while supplies last!
Today, I decided to share one reader's questions and my answers to those questions. On Saturday, July 11, 2009, I will be appearing at the Sepia, Sand & Sable Book Store in the Reisterstown Plaza in Baltimore, MD 12107. I will be there from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. and if you are in the Baltimore, MD area, I hope you come out and fellowship with me and pick up a copy of the book. I will also be giving away free tote bags with the purchase of my book. For directions, please call the store at (410) 318-8698. The book store is located in the Food Court inside the Reisterstown Plaza, 6638 Reisterstown Road.
Here are some really good questions about the content of "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 13 978-0-9754612-0-4. If you live outside the Baltimore, MD area, please consider purchasing your copy today from Amazon.com and help me reach my personal goal of ten sales per month off the Amazon website. If you would like to see what other readers are saying about this awe-inspiring collection, please visit my website at
www.levineoliverpublisher.com and check out the video from my WBALTV Guest Appearance at:
http://www.wbaltv.com/video/19810005/index... Ok, KC asked the following questions:
This is a very, very good read! You know sis, I've read your story and of course I got questions!
KC) Do you often reflect back to the Vanilla Room?
AL) Absolutely! Almost daily from the moment I wake up it is like a movie is being played in my mind. Sometimes it is the reason I make myself write when I am having a bad day.
KC) Is the Vanilla Room a barrier for you to distinguish what is real and what isn't or wasn't?
AL) It was for a very long time. I kept wanting my therapists to confirm for me it was me being "crazy." Most of my four therapists talked to me about hallucinations especially when the mind is so over-taxed with little sleep or rest. However, it was like I kept having re-ocurring dreams of the exact same experience. It was too powerful to dismiss. When my fourth therapist suggested I seek spiritual counseling, it was then that I began to recognize the expereince as a true vision from God. Over time, some of those visions I experienced have come true and I am very, very strong in my spiritual relationship with God so I accept the anointing and purpose.
KC) What is your relationship with your children?
AL) My children and I are very, very close. When I first experienced my nervous breakdown, they were scared little rats both of me and of the illness. I did not realize just how scared they were until they became young adults and we talk about it especially with how I turned my life around into someting positive and productive. They are very comfortable talking to me about how they felt back then and they are very grateful that I divorced their father as well.
My daughter and I are very close and she is the "maternal" child who makes sure I am alright. She will double check with me if we are at a gathering together. She will be the one to rip your throat out if you disrespect me--LOL. She makes sure I keep it real and do what I need to do and if I call her, she is there in a flash. This is special to me because she was the child who acted out in mean ways when I first became ill. She ran away three times and hated being around me. Both my kids experienced periods where they were skeptical about bringing friends home not knowing if I would 'go off.' They told me this later.
My oldest son became my protector of sorts. He is a son every mother should have and we went through a lot together so we have a special bond. He was my strongest motivation out of all three of my children to get my life back. That is because of how afraid he was when his sister ran away and his father was on drugs and I looked at him one day and saw fear in his eyes. His eyes seemed to plead, "Momi, I can't live without you again." I will never forget that day and his eyes and it is moving to me to write about it now. That was a look no mother would want her child to have. It spoke volumes to me that wasting my life meant wasting his life, too. He needed me to be strong and well and I had to fight for us.
KC) Did they understand your decisions?
AL) I don't know exactly what decisions you mean. However, they were both "motherless" children briefly and you know family was feeding them all sorts of fears and one sibling of mine actually tried to 'take' my children declaring that I could not be competent to raise them anymore. They went through quite a bit of 'stuff' and that is why I always 'preach' that the whole family is affected when an individual does not seek mental healthcare. When I told them I was writing a book, they shrugged. As they began to see my life return due to my youngest son with the disabilities, they became very supportive I think that I was doing something focused and productive for myself. When I told them the title of the book, I said to my oldest children..."I will not put the word 'Bipolar' in the title if it will make you uncomfortable. They each said, it's just a word, Momi, not who you are. They are my biggest supporters and all their friends know their momi is 'crazy.' I asked them how they felt now and they said they love the fact that their momi is showing the world the better side of 'crazy.'
Because I cannot write lengthy material in a traditional book length, they understood that I went with a collection of writing styles to tell my story. Their father was your typical substance abuser when his addiction took hold, however, he was really a good father until the drug took over his decisions. I did not want to take that memory from them so I hope I did it tastefully.
KC) You have some very powerful poems! What was your motivation to write a couple of my now favorites : Strong Woman, Unstrong Woman and Marital Timeline? Very Powerful!!!
AL) WOW! KC, you are bringing tears to my eyes. After my divorce and the death of my father, I was in a very lonely place. That was the very first time I was completely in this world alone sort of. I was already working on my relationship with God and I had to get real deep and honest with God to purge from the depth of my soul. I had to release how I felt about the end of my marriage and my experiences with men. Strong Woman and Unstrong Woman reflect the Bipolar spirit meaning that when I was in a manic mode of Bipolar, I took a lot of stuff and kept it moving. I ignored 'self' to make mistakes that we women often make just to have a man, companion. It is the dark days of my marriage towards the end.
When I was in the depressive mode of Bipolar, I crumbled. In either case, God was there.
Agnes B. Levine is the Author of "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 13 978-0-9754612-0-4 and please ORDER your copy TODAY from Amazon.com while supplies last!
Posted By: agnes levine
Thursday, July 9th 2009 at 6:33PM
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