Monday is the day of the week where most persons may experience depression. It may be due to weekend use of substances, realization that you are still broke and you just got paid, or the anxieties of what the upcoming week will hold. I learned that in therapy at the Shepard Pratt Hospital.
As I thought about that for a while, I began to see a pattern in how I felt and how I moved about my life being Bipolar. I feared Mondays and that increased my own depression. Funny thing is, I did not work or party or had anything to do the rest of the week. Each day held the same promise: lay in bed or around the house taking medication and drinking like the ocean was my cup of tea (that thirst was from all the medications I was on).
I did not really have any interest in television and I could not focus long enough to read more than a few words and my motor skills were impaired by the illness and medications so I just existed and fell deeper into my black hole.
Mondays turned into Tuesdays into Wednesdays.....I became sick and tired of being just present on earth!
The one thing I did do whenever I thought about it, or remembered through the haze of medications, was to talk to God. Then by chance, I lost the radio station I listened to regularly and in trying to find it, I stumbled across a Christian/Gospel station. The music began to give me glimmers of sunshine.
In time, I began to come up with things to do each day of the week beginning with getting out of the bed and maybe try to memorize a song. Those Mondays were the toughest. So I set a goal. This will make you laugh: My goal was to rest Sunday and sit up all day on Monday listening to the radio. Not while laying down in bed or under my rock. I had to sit up in a chair or sofa.
Depression weighs you down. If you can relate to carrying -- say--a parent on your back all day literally, that is what it feels like. Your muscles ache, too. You feel so sad like you could cry all the time, but no tears come and that becomes frustrating. Then hopelessness sets in and before you know it, you think maybe the whole bottle of pills at one time will make it all go away.
The last time I had suicidal thoughts was on a Friday about 10 years ago. Part of my clinical depression was the dread of Monday approaching. It was necessary for me to get out of that bed on Mondays no matter what and as a part of my "suicide prevention plan," a family member agreed to keep my medications and bring them to me three times a day until I stabilized.
Are Mondays weighing you down so much that you cannot concentrate, get out of bed, are very irritable, hate yourself, no appetite, no energy, and you are aching for no reason?
Do you find that on Mondays there is a pattern of you calling out sick from work or skipping classes or appointments to just sleep?
These may be signs of clinical depression which is when feelings of sadness are persistent and immobilize you. You should be discussing this pattern with your medical provider. Push beyond the typical screening questions relating to sugar diabetes, high blood pressure, PMS, post-partum blues, grieving. (but don't panic, smile)
My brain disorder has been stabilized for several years through the grace and mercy of God and the medications He sent my way, but would you believe that Monday is the day I still reserve to do the least workload and activities. As much as I can control it, I know that the stress of that first day of the week can overwhelm me and so I plan for it by keeping it free as much as possible to meditate, plan, and just chill. It is nothing for me to take three-day weekends because I am blessed to be able to do so and it is necessary for my mental wellness.
Is this helpful to you or someone you love? Have you ever contacted mental health organizations such as the National Institute of Mental Health at
www.nimh.org with general questions (confidential)? It is my wish that you seek mental wellness today.
Agnes ~ Too Wise Not To Praise Him!
Author of "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 0975461206 Winter Release Pending -
www.myspace.com/coolingwellwater
Posted By: agnes levine
Saturday, October 4th 2008 at 10:38AM
You can also
click
here to view all posts by this author...
