(Rerun Article With Amendments)
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When we ignore the need to take care of our mental health under extreme circumstances such as the death of a loved one, we are destined for continued failure to defeat the high proportion of blacks suffering from an untreated mental illness.
Considering that the black community does not address this element affecting our youth especially, there will be visible harm in the future. This can mean physical abuse, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, depression, and a host of other issues as a consequence of those bad choices such AIDS/HIV. Therefore, it is necessary for the black community to accept ways to heal the family by focusing more on the mental well-being of grieving family members to help people get through any death.
Often, we rush to a loved one's home when a tragedy occurs and we walk away after the funeral. That is fine for immediate support, but we need to follow up when we say, “I’m there for you.” We need to take initiative more and be there for someone two months down the road or six months down the road. We often take for granted that people adjust and move on when in fact they do not or cannot, but they hide under the surface and put on a public face. If killings have increased in a community, then so has grief. What is being done constructively about healing grief in your family, community?
Did you know that many, if not most, funeral homes offer some type of grief counseling? Did you know that many organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness offer some type of grief counseling or support groups in your area?
Did you know that you can contact many hospice organizations and connect with some form of grief counseling?
Did you know that the Department of Social Services can refer you to grief counseling for youths and victims and family members who lost a loved one due to violence?
Have you confided in your doctor that you are struggling with depression since a loved one died?
Have you spoken with your pastor about grieving and spirituality? The emotion of anger is normal and God understands because He designed us to grieve.
There are so, so many ways to grieve and each person has his/her own time frame for grieving. It is normal to be afraid of honoring the grieving process and it is alright to reach out to others to help you process grief. Let's hug ourselves for Ms. Jennifer Hudson and everybody who has lost family members. Let's pray for the safe return of Ms. Hudson's nephew and for every missing child. Let's call that family member today that we kind of let slip by after the funeral to just say, "Hi. How are you today?"
Lastly, do not be ashamed to participate in grief counseling. My family did it to help my mother and it changed our world in terms of coping and living without daddy. It pulled our family together closer than we were before. It allowed all of us to reach a level of peace where we can talk about daddy and laugh about his ways and what-nots and grieve with each other and alone in a healthy way. So can you...
Tip: Just as we set personal goals for other areas of our lives, we can honor the grieving process doing the same thing such as (in my case), “in three months I will have all the basic tools (hammer, screwdriver, car jack) I need and fix things around my house myself.—after all, I’ve seen daddy do it a million times.”
Also, network with other grieving families or individuals through your mental healthcare support base.
"I will never leave you--
Even though I grieve you--
I will always keep you--
Right here in my heart..."
Gail Rosen, Gilcrest Hospice,
www.hospiceofbaltimore.org; GBMC,
March Funeral Homes,
www.centerforloss.com. www.nami.org www.aapc.org
Posted By: agnes levine
Sunday, October 26th 2008 at 11:04AM
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